I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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