she looked like the bat from fern gully.
now i know why i became what i already was.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
