wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
