Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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