i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
