Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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