He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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