Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
