Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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