Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
