Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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