Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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