it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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