A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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