Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
