my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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