I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
