I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
