went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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