Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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