You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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