I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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