She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
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