can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
