I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you win again, gameday.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
