i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i wish my penis had a tongue
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
