she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
