Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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