Are we in a gay sports bar?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Is Oprah even human
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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