All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
