i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
