she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
