I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I don't deserve a penis
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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