I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
