i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
