addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
