The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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