So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
