You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
