I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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