i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
