There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
