Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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