you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
