Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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