She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
