Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
