I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
