You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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