if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
