yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
