Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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