We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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