I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
