can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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