You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
